Sunday, August 19, 2018

2 Javier

2 Javier

No doubt, he was a ladies man. Woman flocked to him like birds of a feather. He was dark and handsome with honey-colored eyes, and what he lacked in stature he made up with a stride of confidence.

It was a skill he picked up early on in Tierra Blanca. Like most things in his life, he couldn’t afford to waste time being insecure to get what he wanted. It was a survival skill more than an innate trait. He knew modesty would get him nowhere.

The son of a philandering fayuquero and a compliant homemaker, Javier didn’t have many role models. In fact, he didn’t have much of anything. His father often spent all his earning on women and booze, while his mother made excuses and delivered tortillas to locals, so her children could eat. It was her role as a woman. At least that was what she fed her children. 

“A man is a man and can’t help being a man. If a woman opens her legs for him, what do you expect for him to do? But a woman, a woman must earn respect.”

It wasn’t anyone’s fault. It was just the way it was. The man worked hard; the women stayed home; and the children…. Well, the children had to suffer the consequences. But Javier wanted more and that took being creative. He was only a child when he began working as a construction apprentice, carrying bricks to help albaniles. Later he learned he was also good with his fists.

He’d participate in clandestine boxing matches to be able to afford the luxury of school and clothing. With every punch he gave, he released his frustration; with every punch he received, he absorbed a welcomed embrace of pain. But Doña Tina, his mother, put a stop to it. When she found out about his extra-curricular activities, she didn’t waste time. In front of a crowd of spectators Doña Tina grabbed him from the left earlobe and slapped him with her chancla. No amount physical pain could equate that embarrassment.

School was not his salvation. It was too hard to work and strive for more than a middle school education. So, when he was old enough he joined the marines. With wide eyes he traveled the oceans, seeking new adventures. As learned more military skills and moved up the ranks, he gained the respect of his fellow shipmates.

One particular mate, Francisco Santana, grew so fond of him that he invited Javier to a family gathering in Perla del Golfo for the holidays. It was there that Javier met Clara, whose caramel beauty took his breath away for the first time.

Clara and Francisco’s parents were fairly wealthy, they provided their children with all the comforts of life, yet appreciated the values of a good, hard-working man.  When Francisco noticed his ranking officer’s interest in his sister, he was more than happy to encourage the relationship.

For her part, Clara valued Javier’s good looks. She enjoyed his company and was encouraged by her parents’ and brother’s esteem for him. The courtship began, dating, an engagement and marriage followed. After all, what else would a woman want than to marry a good man?
It wasn’t enough. She felt pressured to marry him and deceived by his words. When they moved back to Tierra Blanca, she was more than disappointed with the life he was able to provide. There were no toilets, no maids and no luxuries. She had to learn to do laundry and cook on her own for a man she didn’t love. Javier tried his best to give her comforts but again, it wasn’t enough.
Soon, the relationship turned violent. Javier didn’t know how else to express his feeling than through the brute strength of his hands. Her rejection and dissatisfaction were frustrating and hurtful.
Clara’s eyes began to wander. After three years, Clara found an avenue of escape to the misery she’d landed: Wilberto Camarena.
Wilberto was a close friend and entrepreneur. He’d managed to own five nightclubs in Tierra Blanca. So, it wasn’t much of a surprise when the two began to meet while Javier worked as police officer.

One night, Javier came home to find her packing.

“Where do you think you are going?”

“My father is sick and I must tend to him.”

“When are you coming back?”

“I shouldn’t be longer than a week?”

But she never did. He searched for her in Perla del Golfo, but no one was able to give him answers. They were as dumbfounded as he was by her disappearance.
Later, rumors surfaced that she left with Wilberto and her family disowned her once they found out.

Javier fell from the sky and onto limbo, purgatory, a maze without an exit, or so it seemed. He was confused. He’d done everything that a gentleman should do in the movies. He gave his all, but his all was not enough.

He worked hard; he put a roof over her head; he provided. He was good man with a good heart. Why wasn’t he good enough for her?

It was hard to continue. Every song, movie and woman reminded him of Clara. He’d lay in bed waiting, hoping for the next knock on the door to be hers. He was lost; so much so that he sometimes would be driving in the opposite direction to where he wanted to go because he couldn’t concentrate on any one thing. But he wouldn’t cry. Los hombres no deben llorar. It was as if a stake was driven through his chest and all the air it contained was sent into the abyss.
Never again, he swore, never again. He would do whatever it took to move up in life and not be poor.
A year later, during a Sunday walk through the Plaza Grande Park, opportunity arose. She came in the shape of a white dress, red, curly hair, snow skin and highly visible limp: Marilyn Mendelson, La Cojita.












Tuesday, August 14, 2018

1 Iris


“Toc, Toc, Toc”
“Tap, Tap, Tap”
“Toc, Tap, Toc”

“Someone’s at the door.”

“Well, answer it tonto. Don’t just sit there. I’m cooking.”

There she stood, as I opened the door, carrying a small, blue suitcase. She was tall, curvaceous, with blonde, straight hair that fell all the way down her back.

“Is this where I can find Socorro?”

My mouth was open but words could not escape my lips.

“Excuse me, is this where Socorro lives?”

“Oh yes. Prima, te buscan!”

“How can I help you?”

“Manuel Miranda said he spoke with you …”

“Ah, yes. Raquel, right? Come on in. I wasn’t expecting you so soon.”

“Cierra la boca Javier. Te van a entrar las moscas.”

Raquel was visiting the country for the first time and my cousin agreed to host her for a few days while she got a place to stay and got familiar with the area.

“Hola, I’m Javier.”

“Gusto,” she nodded as she sat down with Socorro.

Raquel was a designer, like my cousin. She wanted to seek out ideas for a new collection of clothing in the foreign markets. She heard there was an untapped potential for targeting Latinos and Chicanos seeking a new identity. The clothing would be affordable but fashionable.

Noticing that the two women were talking shop, I decided to excuse myself and leave.

“¿No vas a comer antes que te vayas?” asked Socorro.

“Another day. I have to pick up Marilyn at work.”

That night I couldn’t sleep. All I could think about, while I lay there looking at the ceiling, were her light colored eyes and her smooth, cream skin. Her voice was strong, determined and confident. Most women I encountered lacked that stature, but Raquel was different. She both intimidated me and sparked my curiosity.

I couldn’t help it. The next day I showed up at my cousin’s house not knowing what excuse I would use to be there. It probably was a bad idea to be there, but it had been a long time since I’d felt this type of attraction.

“¿Tan pronto?”

“Well, I couldn’t let your delicious cochinita pibil go waste.”

“Sientate, I’ll make you a torta.”

“So, where are the kids?”

“Ramón took them to the matinee.”

“Ah, que bien. Y…?”

“Mira Javier, calm your hormones.  I don’t want any problems with Marilyn or my friend. He entrusted me with ….”

“Good morning. Sorry I slept for so long. I guess I was jetlagged.”

“No te preocupes. Want a torta de cochinita?

“Sure, is there anything I can help with?”

“No, it’s all done. You want some coffee?

“Black and without sugar, please.  Thank you.”

“So, what are your plans for the day?”

“Javier…” Socorro warned.

“What? I’m just asking a question.”

“Hola Javier. Disculpa, it was rude not to greet you earlier. I might just stay in today. I’m still a bit tired and I need to rest up. Tomorrow, your cousin and I will go to the Fashion District to check out some fabrics and meet some shop owners she’s worked with. Besides, it’s Sunday and there isn’t much I can do on a weekend.”

“Well, if you want…”

“Javier!” Socorro interrupted.
“I appreciate it. I’ll keep that in mind.”

Socorro made the best cochinita that morning. Or, perhaps it was the newfound company that made it taste so great. I found out Raquel was reared only a couple blocks away from where I grew up, yet somehow we’d never met. She was the first woman in her family to earn a degree and even travel.

It would be a week before I saw her again. I kept my distance trying to heed Socorro’s warning. When I came back to deliver a cabinet I’d built for Antonio, one of my cousin’s children, I found out Raquel was moving to nearby hotel that offered all the amenities of an apartment, plus some much needed privacy.

“Well, I’m going to wait for the taxi outside. Thank you so much for hosting me Socorro.”

“As I told you, you are welcome to stay here as long as you want. Are you sure you don’t want Ramón to take you?”

“No, I’m fine.”

I overheard the conversation from Toñito’s room.

“Bueno prima, here you go. My nephew has a Javier Andrade original”

“Thank you. ¿Comes?”

“No, I have to be at work tomorrow. As you know, being artist doesn’t pay the bills.”

“Bueno cuidate. Te quiero mucho. Gracias.”

Raquel was still waiting for her taxi when I got down the stairs.

“Te van robar.”

“No, this looks like a nice neighborhood. I should be okay.”

“Nevertheless, let me give you a ride.”

“Well, if it’s not much of a bother…”

“It’s settled.”

I took her to her hotel not expecting to see her again. She told me about her travels and I told her about my dreams. She said she didn’t regret pushing thirty and being single. She liked her independence. There was something about her voice though that expressed a longing for something more.

As the weeks went by I found any excuse to see her. First it was ride to downtown, then lunch, dinner and then a trip to Disneyland. I knew I was playing with fire but it burned in every pore of my body and I wasn’t willing to ignore it.

One night on the dance floor I kissed her. It was passionate and wild. It was sensuous and tender. It woke up my dormant soul.

“I don’t know if this is a good idea.”

“Sorry.”

“Please take me home.”

I did. Yet, it was too late. We were both in love and nothing, and no one would get in the way. What may have been a fleeting moment became our story. The story of a love that should not have been. The story of love that gave me a reason to exist within the iris of her eyes.

I left my loveless marriage and decided to build a life with Raquel.



Como No Hay Otro Igual

Ya no estás más a mi lado, corazón 
En el alma solo tengo soledad 

Y si ya no puedo verte 
Porque Dios me hizo quererte 
Para hacerme sufrir más 

Siempre fuiste la razón de mi existir 
Adorarte para mí fue religión

...
Ay que vida tan obscura 
Sin tu amor no viviré

Es la historia de un amor


— Carlos Eleta Almarán, 
     Panamenian